Wednesday, January 23, 2013

A somewhat depressing update.

So remember a while back when I was all, "Oh, my depression is so well-managed right now. . . I can finally focus on other things. . .blah, blah, blah. . . I'm so well-adjusted, blah, blah. . ." well, that was only sort of true.

I'm sparing you (actually myself) the details because they are a little tedious and very pitiful, but suffice it to say this has been a difficult winter. I had a few panic attacks. I've had more suicidal episodes in quicker succession than I can ever remember having. I have NOT acted on anything--no 72 hour holds for this girl!--but there have been some long dark nights.

We've adjusted my meds 3 times and I'm hopeful that we've found something that works. I'm on Zoloft now. Hopefully that will cover things.

I'm back in therapy--this time with the DH because it looks like some of these suicidal episodes are some sort of PTSD that he might possibly be triggering. Writing that feels unfair because he most certainly doesn't mean to and the truth is that this is more about my dysfunctional mind than his actions, but we will have to work together to put this behind us. I'm mostly hopeful about this.

My oldest is doing some therapy. I don't want to go into details (you're not surprised about that are you? That seems to be the theme of this post.) but I'm hoping that a little therapy now will save us pain during the teenage years. She's a good kid--intelligent, kind hearted, she tries hard--she'll pull through this.

Also this winter has been  pretty hard on my son's atopy. It's been ugly this year. Maybe because everything's so dry.

So there it is. My somewhat depressing update. But, well, it hasn't been all bad. There have been a few moments like this:

And that brings back some balance.

6 comments:

Finding Freckles said...

Good post. Value the honesty. Love the courage found in your blog. I would expect helpful to many. Thank you! I started a blog this year hoping to offer bits of hope, thoughts and ideas that could make a difference. Please stop by. Smiles, Kandee

http://findingfrecklesblog.blogspot.com/2013_01_24_archive.html

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Anonymous said...

Just "happened" upon your blog today after typing [lds mother treating depression] into google's search engine. I've been on antidepressants for 7 years now and have always felt that it's my own fault that I'm sad all the time. I read your article "That Girl" and cried through the whole thing because it describes my life so perfectly. Anyway...just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing and being so open about depression. You have really helped me (and probably countless other young mothers as well). I'm going to try to look at my depression as an illness from now on and be more open about it. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Hello I just found yoursite too...May/2013...I am a 36, male living in Minnesota. I suffer from depression also, but I have learned so much from this experience, its not even funny. I plan and am writing a book to be self published. Since I found your page, I am going to read thru your blogs and see if I can find some cool insight or tibits... You're not alone, and the depression thing is doable and workable...please don't give up...sometimes "getting up" is all that is required...you have to find out if that is the right thing for your life...but sometimes, its just that simple... armyodgreen at gmail

Anonymous said...

I wanted to share what in my own words what a parable is. The real meaning is in the Bible Dictionary. Parable: a way to teach you children the way the Savior taught so that they can grow up unto the Lord in his knowledge and wisdom.

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